Strengthening Friendships With Parents and In-Laws

Susan Alexander Yates



We are admonished to honor our parents (Exodus 20:12). If we are single, our responsibility is to our own parents; but if we are married, our responsibility is not only to our parents, but to our in-laws as well. It is true that when we marry, we marry a family. Part of becoming one in marriage involves the sharing of all things, and that includes our parents.
The great Bible story of Ruth and Naomi illustrates for us a tender example of honoring one's mother-in-law. Facing a famine in Judah, Naomi fled with her husband and two sons to the country of Moab. There they raised their sons and saw them married to Moabite women. When her husband and both sons died, Naomi decided to return to her native country of Judah. Although she encouraged her daughters-in-law to remain in their own country, Ruth chose to go with her, saying: "Where you go, I will go, and where you stay, I will stay. Your people shall be my people and your God my God" (Ruth 1:16).
Ruth's faithfulness to her mother-in-law resulted in her marriage to one of Naomi's kinsmen and having the honor of being the great-grandmother of King David and a direct ancestor of Jesus, the Messiah.
God has called us to serve our mates and to honor our parents. These two foundational principles are vital in building friendships within the family. It will not always be easy. It may be inconvenient and costly to honor your parents. And you will not be able to please everyone. Your ultimate job is not to keep everyone happy, but to be faithful to God's calling, which is to love your spouse, to nurture your children, and to care for your parents.

Six Ways to Nurture Friendships with Parents and In-Laws



1. Expand the Positives
If we asked ourselves, "Whose approval do I most desire?" our parents and in-laws would rank somewhere near the top of the list. We want our parents to be proud of us, and we long for their approval. This desire can cause us to be overly sensitive to them, especially in the beginning of a new season of life.
As a newlywed, you decide to change your hairstyle. Your close friend says she thinks it looks best long. You take that as good advice. But if your mother-in-law says she'd like it long, you take it as interfering. Or, your toddler is misbehaving and your good friend says he needs a "time-out." You may welcome her insights, but if your mother had been the one to say that, you might have taken it as criticism of your parenting skills: "How can she be so critical?" Or, you work hard to clean your house before your folks come over. They fail to comment on how lovely it looks, so you assume they are displeased.
It's so easy to overreact or to give too much weight to our parents' comments or lack of comments. Becoming critical of their responses, we begin to dwell on the negatives when we ought to expand the positives. Even if there are genuine problems, we have to decide whether we are going to focus on the disappointments or choose to accentuate the positives.


2. Learn from Them
No matter what our parents are like, they possess two things that we don't—age and experience. With age comes experience and wisdom. And the older one becomes, the longer he has had to develop personal gifts and talents. Each of us can learn from our parents. They have lived a life different from ours, in a world different from ours.
We can ask ourselves several questions about our parents.
"What are their gifts?"
"Do they have wisdom?"
"Do they do something well?"
"Do they have a unique talent they could teach us?"
Some time ago, my husband, John, was struggling with a personnel problem in his office. He was really stuck and did not know how to handle the potentially explosive situation. He desperately needed wisdom and felt that he didn't have much! So he picked up the phone and called my mother. This was perfectly natural, because one of my mother's gifts is wisdom. She has had much experience with people, and she has an unusual ability to see clearly in the midst of a mess. She listened and was able to give my husband several insights that helped him decide what to do. It was mutually beneficial. He was helped by her insights and she was encouraged by being needed. And their friendship grew a little deeper because of his trust in her judgment.


3. Initiate Activities and Show Thoughtfulness
It's so easy to expect our parents to initiate activities with us. After all, they are our parents. We've grown up responding to them. So we wait, longing to spend time with them and wondering if and when they'll make a move toward us. Could it be that they need us to reach out to them? Yes. We can't expect our parents to continually take the initiative for getting together with us.
Jodie has had a difficult relationship with her dad, and yet she longs to grow closer to him. As we chatted one day, I asked her, "What does your dad like to do?"
After thinking for a moment, she replied, "Well, he often takes walks."
"Ask him if you could join him for a walk," I suggested. "Go with him with no agenda other than to enjoy being with him. And go as often as you can. It may feel awkward at first, but if you persist, you'll be surprised at how much more comfortable you both will become. Walks are 'his thing,' and you need to go where he is comfortable. You'll be amazed how a simple gesture like a walk can open the doors to a deeper relationship."


4. Care for Them When They Are Old and Ill
How you do this will vary with your circumstances. As we remember our two essentials—consider what is best for your own family, and consider how to honor your parents.
What are their needs? Where do you live in relation to them? What extended-family support is available? What resources such as financial, health care, housing, etc., are available?
Then, consider the needs of your immediate family. If you are struggling with toddlers or both husband and wife are working in careers with little flexibility, your options will be limited. If you are single or do not have children, you may be in a better position to help.
Communicate clearly with your extended family as you make decisions about your aging parents. Working together to solve problems could become an opportunity for brothers and sisters to deepen their friendships.
You must be willing to sacrifice time, space in your home, and financial resources to care for your parents. It won't be easy. Caring for older parents can be inconvenient and time-consuming. But just remember, you weren't easy to care for as their baby. You were hard to raise and often exasperating. You demanded sacrifice. Now it is your turn to honor them and sacrifice for them.


5. Maintain a Sense of Humor
Sometimes we feel like the children and our parents feel like our parents. Then, suddenly, they act like children and we feel like the parents. The relationship has turned upside down and it feels very strange. It's difficult to find oneself parenting parents.
Trish is a single parent in her fifties. Her daughter, Wendy, is 27 and lives with her. One evening Trish went with a blind date to the theater. She expected to return home right after the show, but she and her date were having such a good time, they went out for a late dinner. When she opened the front door, it was 1 A.M. Suddenly the hall light came on, and there stood a very sleepy, very concerned daughter.
"Mother," she exclaimed, "where have you been? You are later than you said you would be. And I didn't know anything about your date. You could have been in real trouble. I was about to call the police."
As Trish stood on the steps, she experienced a sudden flashback of herself in the same position years earlier! After Trish apologized to her daughter for causing concern, the two had a good laugh about their role reversals.


6. Prepare for "No Regrets"
When our parents and in-laws die, we want to look back with a sense of gratitude rather than a feeling of regret. "But you don't know how bad my relationship with my parents has been," you might respond.
That's right. I don't know ... but God does. And He has been there with you even in the most painful times. No matter how difficult your family relationships were, you must believe that your parents did the best they could, given what they themselves came from. Hardly any parent sets out to do a bad job of raising his own children. The good news is that it is never too late to do what is right, to get things straightened out, to ask for forgiveness, and to start over.
Pat was raised in an abusive home. Her only brother adopted the gay lifestyle, and she became estranged from her father. Recently, her brother was diagnosed with AIDS. The same week her father was told that he had terminal cancer. Pat longed to minister to both her brother and father, but she knew that in her father's case, she needed to forgive him before she could help him. It was painful and difficult, but with God's tender mercy she forgave her dad, and just before he died, he gave his life to Christ and asked for His forgiveness.
Then as she nursed her brother in his final days, he too surrendered his life to a loving heavenly Father who understands pain and who is able to forgive and restore relationships.
Pat's story is one of gratitude for relationships redeemed instead of regret and bitterness for relationships lost. Each of us must do all we can to live with "no regrets." We don't know what the future holds, and we don't want to look back and say, "I didn't get to tell him I was sorry," or "I wish I had told her I loved her."
Sometimes it's helpful to look ahead and ask ourselves, "How will I look back on this time in a few years?" We may realize that we need to forgive or to ask for forgiveness, we may need to write a letter expressing love, or we may need to give the gift of our time to sit with a parent who is ill. Whatever we must do, we should do it now, for we may not have as much time left as we think we do.


Excerpted from A House Full of Friends by Susan Alexander Yates. Copyright © 1995 by Susan Alexander Yates.

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Stress

by Edward R. Dayton

We all need relief valves. They can save a lot of time that we would normally take cleaning up the mess caused by personal explosions.
When we installed a new hot water heater, I discovered a local ordinance that says there has to be a relief valve hooked up somewhere in the water system. If for some reason the thermostat doesn't turn off the gas under the boiler, and the boiler is so hot it is ready to explode, the valve will pop off, and pressure will be relieved. Things may stay just as hot under the boiler, but at least it won't blow up all over the house.
One of the most effective, long-range relief valves is to recognize what causes the buildup of pressure. If you see by your calendar that you are in for a few heavy weeks or too many late nights, block out some relief-valve time. This might be a half-day, whole day or extended weekend. Take yourself out of your normal situation. Place yourself in a situation in which past experience has shown you can forget what is going on. This may mean a day alone at the beach or the mountains, a day with your family, or a weekend away with your husband or wife. It's a big help if couples will discuss their future schedules together to identify where the overload problems are and schedule in breaks in the routine.
In addition to the count-to-10 pressure reliever with which most of us are familiar, there are some others:

Staying ahead of your work is a good way to relieve the pressure of schedules. By scheduling a completion time 10 percent to 20 percent ahead, you have the peace of knowing there's time to recover if things go wrong.

Doing the hard things first, particularly if they have a great deal of emotional content, will relieve the subterranean emotions that tend to plague us in different situations.

Getting enough sleep is a must. Know how long you can get along with a reduced amount.

Do the difficult tasks in phases. Often a "first draft" will get you 80 percent of the way along. Time for "topping off" the finished product can be better foreseen, and meeting the deadline seems less of a task.

Have planned recreation and hobbies. I am a wood carver and a carpenter of sorts. Setting aside time for this activity helps me relax. Other people enjoy different methods of unwinding. One of my close friends has a way of announcing to his secretary when he will be finding some relief. If he says, "I'm going to inspect some real estate at 3 o'clock," you can be sure that you'll find him on the first tee at the golf course.

Admitting and verbalizing the causes for your own irritations (be they lack of sleep, overworking, too much stress or what have you) helps [keep] others from getting emotional with you and triggering unexpected explosions.

Facing up to the fact you really can't do all the things you scheduled and that some of them need to be postponed is probably the best relief valve of all. This can be a humbling experience, but the rewards in personal well-being are great.

Excerpted from Tools for Time Management by Edward R. Dayton, published by Zondervan. Copyright © 1974 Zondervan Corporation.

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The Upside and Downside of Anger

Is righteous anger ever justified? Know the difference between selfish and selfless anger.
by Ed Chinn

As almost everyone knows, we live in a conflict-driven culture. Various factors – political marketing, 24-hour cable news, talk radio, etc. – have Balkanized our society into a kaleidoscope of interest groups. They relate to each other through turbo-charged suspicion, shotgun blasts of opinion and open hatred.
In such an environment, anger has become a "virtue."
Many stand-up comics express their brand of comedy through profane and seething anger. One of the contributions of punk rock was the celebration of anger. You can also watch producers of daytime reality shows (like Jerry Springer) coax participants to, "Let it all out. Get mad. Tell her what you really think. Don't you really want to slap her?"
Very clearly, we have crossed a river. In the "new media age," political issues – immigration, the war on terror, global warming, abortion – can only be discussed in anger. The old-fashioned form of polite discussion of the issues of the day has deteriorated into a shouting match.
The one common denominator of all this cultural anger is a relentless and self-serving "worship of individualism." It is all about "me." Anger is directed at protecting the cherished terrain of my rights, my ideas, my feelings and my indulgences.
This worship of individualism has become the god of modern culture.
Is Anger Ever Unselfish?
As far as I know, the Bible reveals only two angry moments in Jesus' earthly life. One was when he threw furniture in the temple because mercantile interests were perverting the House of God.
The other episode was when He healed the man with the withered hand. Mark 3:1-6 paints the picture; Jesus encountered a serious human need. Unfortunately, surrounding that need was a religious system which could not even see the man or his infirmity; it was only focused on rules and preservation of an old order. Incensed, Jesus gazed into the face of that Pharisaical order and "with anger" at their "hardness of heart" reached out and healed the man.
Jesus – our pattern – got angry. In both cases, His anger was a response to barricades which blocked God's salvation and kindness from reaching into and touching the deep need of human lives. Jesus was not reacting out of a sense of being threatened (the usual earthbound cause for anger). Rather, His divine sense of justice was offended. He was angry at the perpetuation of illness, sin and oppression.
In a very similar way, when my anger is projected at injustice or oppression, that is usually a sign of healthy anger. When my anger revolves around my self-interest, it is more likely to be selfish and unhealthy.
So how do we know the difference between good and bad, "upside" and "downside," selfish and selfless anger?
Selfish anger will usually cause strong, disproportionate-to-the-situation, physical and emotional sensations: heart palpitations, trembling and louder and faster voice, shortness of breath, using bad language, etc. It can also leave us with the residual effects of insomnia, anxiety and depression.
Righteous anger tends to be slow, thoughtful and controlled. It leads to the formation of a plan rather than hasty and wild actions.

Copyright © 2007 Ed Chinn.

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Grumbling or Gratitude?

Barbara Rainey

Does it ever seem surprising to you that God made the Israelites wander in the wilderness for forty years because they grumbled? My kids may have spent thirty minutes in their rooms for griping, but forty years? What a severe discipline! Ouch, it seems harsh.
God clearly is not pleased with grumbling. It doesn't make Him happy to hear His children complain constantly. Sound like any children you know?
Being grateful is a choice. It's not a feeling dependent on our circumstances, as we clearly see in the Pilgrims' lives. They believed that God was in control—"Providence," they called it. They responded to the circumstances of their lives with a perspective that said, "God has allowed this for our good."
John Piper has written in his book, A Godward Life: "Remembering our dependence on past mercies kindles gratitude. Gratitude is past-oriented dependence; faith is future-oriented dependence. Both forms of dependence are humble, self-forgetting and God-exalting. If we do not believe that we are deeply dependent on God for all we have or hope to have, then the very spring of gratitude and faith runs dry."
Gratitude is what we express when we take time every Thanksgiving Day to remember God's past mercies and provisions and then pause to thank Him for them.
The stories of those who have gone before us inspire our faith. When we consider those great saints listed in the "Hall of Faith" in Hebrew 11 or our Pilgrim forefathers or those men and women we know in recent times who have modeled great dependence on God, our faith is stretched and increased. Their example of placing all hope in Jesus Christ encourages us to do the same.
Hebrews 11:1 says, "Now faith is the assurance of things hoped for, the conviction of things not seen." Those who sailed on the Mayflower knew their Bible well. They were convinced that God existed and could only be pleased through faith (Hebrews 11:6).
Someone has said, "Faith is a firm conviction, a personal surrender, and a conduct inspired by your surrender." The Pilgrims were totally surrendered to God, and they believed that He was leading them to the New World. So they went, confident that He would guide and provide.
The Bible is full of verses on giving thanks. Our problem in America is not that we don't know we are to be thankful, but often we choose to complain instead. The Psalms contain a number of verses that call thanksgiving a sacrifice:
Offer to God a sacrifice of thanksgiving.Psalm 50:14

He who offers a sacrifice of thanksgiving honors Me. Psalm 50:23

Let them also offer sacrifices of thanksgiving.Psalm 107:22

To You I shall offer a sacrifice of thanksgiving,and call upon the name of the LORD.Psalm 116:17

Why is it a sacrifice to give thanks to the Lord? Because being thankful forces us to take our eyes off ourselves and put them on the Lord. Giving up our self-focus is the kind of denial that pleases God.
As a nation, we have inherited a remarkable gift in our freedom to worship, but we have strayed far from our roots and heritage. We must return to the faith of our fathers. Developing a heart of gratitude is the beginning step in growing a stronger faith. Remember what God has done and believe that He will take care of us in the future.

Adapted from Thanksgiving: A Time to Remember by Barbara Rainey, copyright © 2002.

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Q & A: The Persistent Child

Dennis and Barbara Rainey

Q: When my child makes a request and I give him an answer he doesn't like, he keeps coming back and making the same request over and over and over again. How should I handle this problem?

Dennis: Someone has said that nagging is like being nibbled to death by a duck. This is the duck that gets you right here—the persistent child. Persistence is really a good character trait, but it does have a downside.
Look at it like this. This child may be the next Billy Graham. This child may be the next missionary whom God uses to win people in foreign countries to Christ because he perseveres and comes back over and over and over again! Often a weakness is a strength that is taken to an extreme.
Of course, this is no comfort right now for a mom who bears the brunt of this "nibbling" perseverance. I know I made my own mother suffer—I hounded her to death, pestering her, wearing her down. A child can see when his mother starts to weaken, and then he keeps piling on the pressure.

Barbara: I think you need to find out what your limit is. I think you need to decide what issues you are going to draw the line on. On this issue, you need to make it clear to the child what consequences he will face if he repeats a request for which he already has received an answer.
For example, you could say, "When you ask me if you can spend the night with a friend and I say 'no,' that's my final word. If you come ask me again, you are going to be grounded." Then, when this happens, you need to follow through and discipline the child as you promised. Otherwise your child will learn that you are the type of parent who threatens punishment but doesn't carry it out. He'll take advantage of this and find a way to get what he wants.

Dennis: Barbara's dad once gave me a sign after traveling eight hours in a car with our family on a trip. It reads, "Exactly what part of the word NO do you not understand?" He felt like I needed to say “no” and draw boundaries and not keep listening to the kids as they nagged and complained. I hung the sign on a lamp at home. My kids didn't like it. I'm amazed that they didn't toss it in the trash can.
Barbara's advice is very sound—kids need to hear ahead of time what will happen if they come back over and over again with the same request or question. Now this may sound harsh, but it's all about developing character in our children. We used this technique a lot because we had many strong-willed kids in our family.

Barbara: It's an issue of trust. The kids need to learn to trust that the parent is going to do what he said he was going to do.

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Discovering Your God-Given Purpose

by Shana Schutte

There once was a man who netted three trout from a mountain stream and carefully placed them side-by-side on a thick patch of grass. Before he removed them from the water, they were like a liquid ballet in motion. Fluid. Graceful. Vibrant. Alive.
After he netted them, it was another story.
As the trout lay on the grass, they were motionless. Their eyes were fixed. They gasped for air, and they looked — and acted — stupid.
The man noticed they seemed unhappy, so he talked to them, hoping that his encouragement would change them.
“Little fish, don’t be sad. You’ll like the grass. Just try it out for a while.”
No movement. No response. No change.
A few more seconds passed. The man’s neighbor walked by. “Hey, Bob! Come and check out these fish!”
Bob sauntered over and the man explained that he was certain the fish could adjust. “I’m sure they could prosper here on the grass, don’t you?”
“Why not?” Bob replied. So he also tried to tell the fish it would be good if they learned to like the grass. After all, he liked the grass. Why shouldn’t they?
Still, the fish didn’t blink. They just lay there looking dumber by the second.
Finally, a little boy approached exclaimed, “What are you doing? Put them back! They can’t be all they’ve been created to be when they are out of the water.”
Finally convinced, the man carefully placed each fish back in the stream. After splashing for a split second, all three swam away effortlessly. Again, it was like a liquid ballet. What ease! What grace! What beauty!
In that moment, the man realized that no matter how long the fish lay there they would never adjust to the grass, and would never be satisfied — no matter how much he (or anyone else) told them otherwise. Even if the fish tried to convince themselves they could learn to like the grass, they never would, and they would never prosper. In fact, they would eventually die.
Do you feel like a fish out of water? Your prolonged dissatisfaction, God-given gifts, passions and the voices of others could be telling you that you were created for another purpose. And like these fish, if you feel like you are dying inside, listen up. It could be just what you need to push you into another, more satisfying ocean.

Listen to your dissatisfaction
We’ve been taught to believe that dissatisfaction is a bad thing, and that we should do everything possible to avoid it. Shove it down. Ignore it. Act like it doesn’t bother us. Take a pill. Plaster on a smile. Buy something new, or decide that misery is part of “bearing our cross.” But above all, don’t consider that God might be using it to make us uncomfortable so we’ll want to swim in another ocean where our gifts can shine.
Don’t get me wrong; dissatisfaction can be a result of spiritual warfare (Eph. 6:10-12) and not an indication that we are out of God’s will. But it can also be a road sign that He has another purpose for us. So if you’re miserable in your current career or job, (and you have been for a long time), you’ve prayed, sought counsel from others, looked for guidance through Scripture, and you’re still miserable, consider that God may have another plan.

Listen to others
One of my closest girlfriends lights up when she talks about mentoring young women. She also has tremendous business sense. I’ve suggested that perhaps God may use her to start a mentoring organization or ministry. When I shared my thoughts with her, she said, “You know, I’ve heard that from lots of people.”
Just as dissatisfaction can be a road sign from God to show you your purpose, listening to what others say about your gifts can do the same; so when someone notices or comments on one of your talents, take note. God may be trying to tell you something through His people.
There are times, however, when we shouldn’t listen to what others say. But when what they say about us agrees with our passions, internal convictions, gifting and what God has already revealed to us, it can be a solid indication of our God-given purpose.

Listen to your gifts
I’ve never liked math. Whenever I come within five feet of a math problem, I break out in hives. Numbers have never been my thing and my guess is that they never will be because God created me with different gifts. Even though I can’t do math, I can write, paint, draw, sing and communicate well. These gifts are also road signs to where God is directing me.
Have you ever considered your talents and gifts? Do you get a kick out of soccer? Are you a strategic thinker? A great listener? Can you motivate others to action with your words? Are you skilled at building things? I suggest making a list of the things and activities that interest you in which you excel. You can also ask yourself, “What’s the one thing that I do better than others?” This can also clue you in to your God-given purpose.
The gifts God gives us are like little seeds planted inside us, but for them to grow we have to use them. This means that if you can’t identify which “Gift Seeds” God has given you, try doing new things that interest you. Through these new experiences, God will reveal more to you about who you are and how He has called you to serve Him.

Listen to your passions
If I could ask you what makes you angry, joyful, excited or passionate, what would you say? Take note of when your emotions are moved; these times can be a sign of your God-given purpose.
I get fired up about the godless condition of the world. When I hear about little children being abused, I get angry. When someone tells me a story about loyal love, I am deeply moved. An exquisite arrangement of words on a page fills my heart with passion. A story of someone’s heartbreak grieves me. Talking about Christ stirs me up. When coupled with my talents, these passions point in the direction of my purpose of written and spoken communication about things that deeply impact people on a spiritual and emotional level.

Pray

Ask God to show you the things that move you and make a list. And remember, He wants you to discover His purpose for you more than you do.
Lastly, consider that your purpose is not just about you; it’s about what God wants to do through you. Therefore, if you ignore or neglect your dissatisfaction, what others say about you, your gifts and your passions, you are not only betraying yourself, but betraying God; because He has called you to a purpose and wants you to walk in it — for others and for your own joy.
Also consider that since God has called you, He is completely able to reveal your purpose to you, and He will as you diligently seek Him (Heb. 11:6).

Copyright 2008 Shana Schutte.

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Moments With You: Give Them Dinnertime

Dennis Rainey

She rises also while it is still night and gives food to her household. Proverbs 31:15

RV Brown was the sixteenth of 17 children. As he and his siblings arrived at the dinner table, he never understood why his mother stood in the corner with a bowed head. When he was older, he learned that she was praying that the butter beans and cornbread would make it to one end of the table and back without running out!
Of all the rich memories forged in his childhood home, this was the best: dinnertime. Everybody gathered around. Talking, listening, and enjoying the laughter and noise of family togetherness.
He can still hear the older kids talking about the work they’d been doing that day. Or about what had happened at school. Another might tell a story he remembered from his stint in the army. And before they finished, R.V.’s daddy, who couldn’t read or write, would lean back in his chair and begin sharing from his heart in that soft, arresting voice of his. Little bits of wisdom. Nuggets about how to treat people. Pearls about how to always give your best, settling little problems by using some patience and understanding and not hurting anybody.
I hate to think what the pace of life in today’s families has done to memories like these. How many kids, when they grow up and look back on their childhood, will reflect on how much it meant for them to wolf down a fast-food hamburger in the car between ball practice and youth group? I think that what we stand to lose by consistently eating on the run may be a generation that has learned to value activity over relationship ... and continues to feed self when they could be feasting together.
Give your children something they’ll always remember: Give them dinnertime.

Discuss
Be honest about your dinnertime habits. Are they what they should be? What’s one thing you want to do differently about your dinnertime?

Pray
Ask God to help you place more value on being together than on doing it all.

Excerpted from Moments With You by Dennis and Barbara Rainey. Copyright© 2007 Dennis and Barbara Rainey. All Rights Reserved. Published by Regal Books, Ventura, CA 93003.

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Shaping Your Child’s Destiny

Larry Fowler

What do you want your sons and daughters to be when they grow up?
God’s answer: “I urge you, brothers, in view of God’s mercy, to offer your bodies as living sacrifices, holy and pleas­ing to God—this is your spiritual act of worship.” (Romans 12:1)
Early adolescence is the time when the drive for significance and acceptance by others begins kicking into high gear.
Think about what provides significance:
Destiny is a big deal. Many philosophers have posited that life’s most important question is, Why am I here? Christian parents have the responsibility to help young people see that the answer is found in fulfilling God’s purpose for their lives.

Here’s what a sense of God’s purpose for their lives will do:

-A sense of destiny gives direction in the major decisions of life. The young person who believes God is calling him or her to serve Him will consider that when deciding what college to attend, who to marry, and what to do for a career.
-A sense of destiny gives meaning to life’s opportunities. If I believe God might use me to influence children as an elementary school teacher, I’ll seek opportunities that contribute to that direction.
-A sense of destiny provides strength in hard times. If I understand that God may need to knock off some rough corners in order to best use me, difficult times can be understood and endured.

Being in the center of God’s plan for life

Your children must feel that they’re important to God, that He has a great plan for their lives, and that by submitting sacrificially to Him, their lives will please Him. Teach them that being a doctor or lawyer, or even president, is not the pinnacle of achievement, but rather to be right in the center of God’s plan for their lives.
When do we teach destiny? From the time children can under­stand it, of course. But preadolescence and early adolescence is the time to emphasize it. Middle-schoolers are just beginning to think about what they’ll do with their lives.
That was true for me. I was thirteen when a speaker at a summer camp challenged us to commit our lives to following God’s will. I can still feel the sense of peace, exhilaration, and significance that came over me when I told my counselor later that night that I felt God was calling me to serve Him with my whole life. Of course, I didn’t know then what this would mean, but that decision affected many future decisions—including staying out of a lot of sin—during my high-school years and beyond.

So what do we do?

1. Teach children they’re important to God. Help them be able to say:
My life is important because God made me just the way I am.
My life is important because God loves me enough to die for me.
My life is important because God has a purpose for me.

2. Teach them to desire God’s will.
Read to them, or have them read, missionary stories or biog­raphies of faithful Christians. Get videos about the lives of spiritual giants and watch them together as a family.
Provide as much exposure as you can to Christian workers, pastors, missionaries, and others. My daughter and son-in-law, Andrea and Ray, recently took their children (my grandkids) to a Christian concert and stayed afterward to talk to the musi­cians about their ministry. The kids were starstruck, talking for days afterward about it, and now they want to be Christian musicians. I know God will likely lead them differently in life, but that experience will make serving God with their lives more desirable to them.
Change your vocabulary. Don’t say, “What do you want to be?” and expect a vocational answer. Say, “What does God want you to be?”—and expect a ministry answer.

3. Give them service opportunities early. Many par­ents wait far too long to get children involved in serving God. Don’t wait until the midteen years and then send them on a mission trip where they paint fences and take clothing to the poor. When they’re ten or eleven, let them assist in spiritual responsibilities both at home and at church—leading worship, teaching, reading Scrip­ture, planning activities, and yes, mission trips.

© 2008 Cook Communications Ministries. Raising a Modern-Day Joseph by Larry Fowler.

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Fighting Fair

by Matthew D. Turvey

Conflict. For some spouses, it's a way of life. For others, it's a word they refuse to entertain.
We all bring different perspectives and biases to how we react to marital conflict. There's not necessarily any one right way to handle and resolve conflict – but, be assured that there are some mindsets, behaviors and attitudes you should avoid in this area of your marriage.
In the following articles, we'll examine healthy attitudes toward conflict resolution and begin to recognize that, in the final analysis, loving your spouse is a very real way to express your love for God. How we love our spouse has direct correlation to how we relate to and love our Creator.
First, we'll look at the importance of fighting. Rather than avoiding conflict in marriage, we must embrace healthy conflict as a way to enjoy and love our spouse. Avoiding or denying the inevitable mix-ups of marriage only postpones having to really deal with them and grow through them.
Next, we'll see that resolving conflict is a balancing act. By purposefully holding back honest communication, the silent partner in marriage can stunt the growth of the relationship. The opposite characteristic – being the overly dominant spouse – also has its pitfalls. By finding appropriate balance between these extremes, we create a better marriage. More importantly, these characteristics often carry over into our relationship with God.
Finally, we'll examine the role of emotional and sexual intimacy in marriage. We honor God when we consistently resolve marital conflict without letting it build into resentment. Sexual intimacy, then, stems from emotional safety in marriage.
In the end, we can all do a bit better when it comes to resolving the conflict in our marriages. Hopefully it becomes clear that doing conflict a little bit better is a very real, very important way to honor God and express our love and devotion to Him. Let's not forget the eternal significance of our closest personal relationship – marriage.

Copyright © 2008, Matthew D. Turvey. All rights reserved. International copyright secured

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Surviving the Economic Storm

Ron Blue and Jeremy White

Plunging home values. Declining stock market. Vanishing credit. Fluctuating gas prices. Ongoing war against terrorism. Failing banks. Soaring food costs. Falling value of the dollar. Swelling budget deficits.
If you’re worried, you’re not alone. You’re not the only one feeling the uncertainty. Consumer confidence measurements have reached their lowest level in decades.
It’s easy enough to present our case that economic times are challenging. The daily headlines back us up on that. Our challenge is to prepare you so that you have less fear and more financial peace.
We want to help you develop a common sense financial strategy to weather the economic storms of today as well as those in the far-off financial future. In times of economic uncertainty, the strength of your strategy will determine whether you thrive or survive.
Let’s get started with a reminder of how you get ready for tough times: Prepare in advance.

Don’t let your dreams be washed away
The aerial photo is startling: An attractively designed yellow two-story home stands alone on highly sought-after real estate along the Texas Gulf Coast. Just a few days before, that house was part of a thriving community. Now, it is surrounded on every side by the wreckage of about 200 other homes and buildings. A private helicopter pilot, flying over the area after it had been slammed by Hurricane Ike in September 2008, took the photo.
Not long after the pilot posted the image on CNN’s iReport site, the buzz started. Viewers began debating whether the photo was a fake. After all, how could one home withstand 110 mph winds and a storm surge while every other building around it had been pulverized? The speculation ended when the sister of one of the home’s owners identified it and provided another photo of the house taken just a few months earlier.
Reporters quickly located the home’s owners, Warren and Pam Adams. Just three years before, the Adamses’ home had been destroyed by Hurricane Rita. Because they loved the beach, the couple wanted to rebuild rather than leave the coast. So they did—but with the knowledge that their new home might also be in the path of a hurricane someday.
The couple hired an engineering firm to oversee the contractor as their new residence was built. The builder put the house’s bottom floor on wooden columns that raised it above the surrounding houses. The foundation was made with reinforced concrete, and builders followed the latest hurricane building codes to the letter.
Despite its solid construction, the home did sustain some damage in Hurricane Ike. The first-floor garage and a wooden staircase on the home’s exterior were destroyed. The interior suffered water and mud damage, and furniture, appliances, and other possessions were ruined. Yet unlike their neighbors, who returned to their former home sites hoping to find a few personal belongings among the rubble, the Adamses can repair their home.
The precautions the couple took when rebuilding their home after Hurricane Rita may have seemed extreme to some. Yet their foresight appears brilliant now, after the town sustained a direct hit by Hurricane Ike.
In fact, the couple simply displayed common sense. They knew that their home had been destroyed once by a hurricane and that it could happen again. Of course, others along the Gulf Coast knew they faced that threat as well. The difference was in how they responded to that risk.
Like some Gulf Coast residents, many people today build their financial houses without much of a strategy. When you build something you want to keep, common sense dictates that you build it according to a plan and with materials that will last. This strategy works for all types of construction, from putting together a financial portfolio to building a house.
Warren and Pam Adams can’t prevent a hurricane from smashing into their home on the coastline. They can’t control which way the wind blows. They can, however, build their house to withstand the wind and water.

Mr. Blue goes to Washington
Palms sweating and heart racing, I (Ron) climbed the granite steps of the Capitol building to testify as an expert witness before a Senate subcommittee. I entered the chamber room where the hearings took place. I had often seen it on television. It was impressive yet intimidating. The senators were seated higher than the witness table and the visitors’ gallery.
I recognized many of the senators’ names on the plaques at their table and took a deep breath. I reminded myself that I wasn’t in trouble—even though the room had the feel of a courtroom. The Senate subcommittee was holding hearings on “Solutions for the New Era: Jobs and Families.” I was one of several “experts” from various economic and social fields. Other participants on the panel pressed for more social programs.
When my turn to speak came, I was hoping my voice wouldn’t crack. Could I live up to my introduction as a financial expert? Leaning in toward the microphone on the table, I began to answer a senator’s question about what the average American family should do in the current economy. I said I believed the American family could benefit from following a four-part financial plan:

1. Think long-term with goals and investing
2, Spend less than they earn
3. Maintain liquidity (or emergency savings)
4. Minimize the use of debt

The Senate chamber room fell silent for a moment. I was expecting laughter to reverberate among the marble columns and high ceiling at the simplicity of what I had said. The committee chairman, Christopher Dodd, looked down at his notes. He furrowed his brow and pursed his lips. He recited the points back to me. Instead of chuckling at me, he then said, “It seems like this plan is not just for the family. It seems it would work at any income level.”
“Yes,” I replied with some relief. Now I was the one doing a bit of chuckling as I added, “including the U.S. government.” We went on to have an engaging conversation about how the senators could exercise strong leadership through wise financial practices.
I had developed my four-part answer to the senator’s question over many years. In fact, I have heard that same question over and over. After a presentation to a large audience or in response to a call-in radio program, people often ask how to get out of a financial mess—or avoid one. Often the questioners hope that I’ll provide an instant solution for their financial difficulties. Though they may be disappointed to hear my common sense strategy, I know this time-tested, biblically supported answer works.
Let’s briefly expand our explanation of these principles here:

Think long term. The longer term your perspective, the better financial decisions you’ll make. Set goals in writing for the future. Invest for the long term and worry less about short-term ups and downs in your 401(k) or investment portfolio.

Spend less than you earn. To accomplish this, you need to know what you’re earning and what you’re spending. Make a spending plan (or, if we dare use that loathed term, a budget). Monitor how you’re doing. Develop the self-control to avoid overspending. If you consistently spend less that you earn over a long period of time, you will do well financially.

Maintain emergency savings. A reserve set aside will help you ride out the surprises life throws at you. You must spend less than you earn to build savings. Savings will then help you avoid debt. These principles work together.

Minimize the use of debt. Debt increases risk. It may allow you to do more or have more now, but debt will reduce your ability to have more in the future. I know of few cases of financial disaster occurring without debt. Financial problems are magnified with debt.

Some technical professionals, such as doctors and engineers, initially think these principles are too simplistic. They want to make succeeding financially as technically challenging and sophisticated as their fields. But you can’t go wrong if you follow these steps. What kind of financial trouble would you ever get in if you spent less than you earned, minimized debt, kept savings available, and thought about the long term?

When do I apply these principles?
The best time to apply these four steps is before the financial storms come. You may be thinking, Well, it’s too late for that. I’m in the midst of a financial crisis. The hurricane has already hit. Now what do I do? Here’s hope. You start with these four principles of financial success. If you haven’t done them before, then start now. You can’t lay a solid financial foundation without these four steps. They will lead you out of a crisis—and prevent many future ones.
Perhaps your financial crisis has already happened. You may have lost your job. You may be getting calls from creditors. Perhaps you fear a possible foreclosure. You’re picking up the pieces and trying to rebuild. What do you do?
Same answer. You start with these principles.
Perhaps you don’t currently face a financial crisis but are anxious because of all the economic bad news. The Adamses’ house is a great illustration that may motivate you to prepare for storms in advance. You can take great comfort in these transcendent principles that apply before, during, and after the crisis.
In fact, some positive results can come from our country’s current economic downturn. We’ve learned that a crisis can sharpen our focus. It helps us think more rationally. When gas prices rose significantly, consumers started moving from large sport-utility vehicles and oversized trucks to more fuel-efficient vehicles. This is rational. But even when gas was less expensive, was a Hummer ever a sensible purchase for an urban dweller?
People often ask us, “Now that _____ (you fill in the blank) is happening, what should I do?” We always give the same advice: Follow these four principles. If you set long-term goals and invest accordingly, if you spend less than your income, if you have available savings, and if you reduce debt, then you’ll be as prepared as possible.

Taken from Surviving Financial Meltdown by Ron Blue and Jeremy White. Copyright © 2009 by Ron Blue and Jeremy White.

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About Life Groups

L – Providing Loving acceptance of others
I – Increasing your personal maturity
F – Building close personal Friendships
E – Encouraging one another

Purpose: Life Groups are the place to connect and build relationships. They keep things real and on the level where we live. We believe that life happens every day and if we don’t weave God into that fabric, we miss what He really intended; to flourish and grow. At a meeting you may find good food, discussion about life topics, people being real with each other, and words of encouragement about how God is working.

Who Can Attend: Anyone who is willing to follow the Life Group purpose.

When and Where: Various times at various places. Some groups will meet on a weekly or monthly basis at different homes throughout the community.

Life Groups are a ministry of First Baptist Church of Wenatchee. For more information or to talk with some about Life Groups or any other ministry of FBCW, please call us at 509-663-7266; email us at info@fbcwenatchee.org or visit our website at http://www.fbcwenatchee.org/

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Life Group News

3-19-10 New! A new Community Group will be starting at Bill and Holli Brown's home (1640 Rainier St., Wenatchee) on Friday, April 16 from 7:00-8:30 PM. For more information call 667-7692 or the First Baptist Church of Wenatchee office.

12-8-09 The blog will be temporarily suspended due to site construction and church website updates. Please check back soon for updates.

10-7-09 The blog is up and running! First group meetings TBD. Check back soon for start dates.

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The Four Black Holes of Parenting

The Four Black Holes of Parenting

Barry St. Clair

Have you ever been paralyzed over the guilt of your shortcomings as a parent? I sure have. Sometimes we become afraid to move in any direction for fear that we will do something wrong, perhaps even make things worse.
If we view our imperfections without the light of God’s love, forgiveness, and grace, we can fall into emotional black holes that render us useless to anyone, especially our children! I’ve discovered that most parents tend to fall into one or more of four different black holes.

Black Hole #1: The “Done Its” Some parents feel they have tried everything to parent well, yet it hasn’t worked out for them … or their kids. Their precious little children have grown into angry, rebellious adults who bring more heartache than joy. Honestly, when we finish our primary parenting years, all parents question themselves. All of us ask the question, “Would I have done some things differently?” as we see what we think is the finished product.
With sadness I listened to a longtime friend talk about his son. In more than one of our conversations this dad has been on the verge of desperation. At other times he had resigned heartbreak written all over his face. During adolescence this son began to put up a wall between himself and his parents. At first he erected it toward spiritual matters, then later toward moral issues. The wall grew quietly, insidiously, and before long it seemed insurmountable. At one point his parents had to do an intervention, forcibly removing him from their home and taking him to a facility for wayward young men. This gut-wrenching experience left the father and mother feeling like a pair of deflated balloons, fizzling and falling motionless to the floor. After much prayer and counsel, they have learned to cope with their unmarried son, who broke up with his girlfriend after the birth of a baby. These parents have endured their pain and embraced the baby who came out of the unwed relationship. Underneath, however, heartbreak remains.
What should they have done differently? Having known this couple for years, the answer is ... nothing. Certainly they made mistakes, they have their flaws, they were not perfect parents. But they loved, nurtured, and provided well for their son. They made a physical, emotional, and spiritual investment in him that for most kids actually works. In truth, they did all they could.
Until recently it didn’t look like that investment was paying any dividends. But now, after years of patiently waiting while their son struggled, they have begun to see him come back to renew relationships—both with them as parents and with the Lord. The investment that they once questioned has begun to bear fruit again. What they saw in him as a teenager by no means will end up as the finished product!
Are you heading toward this same black hole of despair and resignation? Be aware, and be encouraged that “The Hound of Heaven” ever watches and woos your children back to Himself!

Black Hole #2: The “Haven’t Done Its” Parents often look back on their parenting experience and realize what they have not done. They wish they had done more. Living with that regret, they wonder if it is too late.
Because of the cultural lies that have been fed to this generation of parents, many of us get to a certain point in our parenting, glance back over our shoulders, and recognize that our children needed more of us. Due to dads who work too much, often boys haven’t had the fathers they need. With many working moms, other people have nurtured or not nurtured our children. Most of us wake up one day to the stark realization that the job we hold, the money we make, and the things we can buy simply do not measure up to the price we have paid in missing out on raising our children.
My friends Don and Cindi faced that dilemma and wisely decided to take a hard look at their parenting approach. Both worked for an airline company and lived with the long hours and the high stress of their jobs. After having children and realizing that they had fallen into the “Haven’t Done Its” black hole, they creatively figured out how to get out of it. Cindi quit her job. Then she used her abilities to begin an outsourcing business with stay-at-home moms—from her home. She finds clients who need a specific labor skill and then connects them to stay-at-home moms who have those skills. The clients pay highly skilled individuals at a lower-than-market rate, but the moms get to stay at home with their children and yet bring in income. And the kids receive nurturing attention from their moms every day. Everybody wins! And Don, the dad, has figured out how to use his flying privileges to take the entire family to places around the world where they could never go otherwise. Don and Cindi saw themselves in a black hole but refused to stay there.
Whether we have fallen in the “Haven’t Done Its” black hole only recently or long ago, we must understand that we can get out, and it’s never too late to get out.

Black Hole #3: The “Undone Its” These parents compare themselves to other parents and feel that they don’t measure up.
One mom I know sent her children to the same school that our children attended. She had sharp kids. They received good grades in school. They had musical talent. They excelled in athletics. Yet she always compared her kids to other children. It didn’t take long for her to start berating herself as a mom. “John just doesn’t grasp spiritual things like Austin. Andrea isn’t in the advanced class with Suzanne. Josh isn’t scoring as many points as Michael. We must be doing something wrong.” By comparing her kids in this way, she came up short in her view of her children, her husband, and herself.
Who suffered most? Everyone! Her low self-esteem that created these negative comparisons drove everyone up the wall.
These sorts of parents who feel like they don’t measure up look around at what other moms and dads have, what they do, and what they say, then look at themselves with condemnation and think, I fall woefully short of being a good parent. Actually most of us who fall in this hole (and most of us have fallen in this hole!) have done and are doing many great things for our kids. But we feel like the negatives outweigh the positives. This sometimes leaves us feeling like a piece of dirt.
Notice that I have used the word feel or feeling three times in the above paragraph. Often, due to low self-esteem, we don’t think consciously or act deliberately about the way we parent. Rather we respond emotionally, allowing our feelings to create our parenting reality. We see how our kids act and react in situations with other children. We observe that our children don’t always measure up to others. And then we react to that by reaching negative conclusions not only about our children but also about ourselves.
Comparing ourselves with others, negatively or positively, leads only to a dead end. On the other hand, realizing that God created each of our children uniquely—and that each has a God-given destiny—will absolutely change the way we parent. And that change will usually move our children to fulfill that destiny, not to mention beginning to pull us out of the “my kids and I don’t measure up” black hole.
If you find yourself in this black hole, don’t pin the burden of your self-esteem on your child’s shoulders. Instead face your insecurities and pursue your self-worth in Someone who can create real security.

Black Hole #4: The “Half-Done Its” Some parents function in the mode of single parent. Others operate with one parent pulling against the other, either in their personal relationship or in their parenting philosophy. These parents know that they do not and cannot operate at 100 percent capacity. Either 50 percent of the parenting team misses the action or 50 percent of the parenting team opposes what the other one wants. One produces a sense of inadequacy. The other creates high levels of tension.
Spiritual opposition between Mom and Dad can create the biggest mess of all. A tug-of-war, with one parent pulling for God and the other parent pulling against Him, definitely confuses kids. Yet if we find ourselves in this tension, we can be encouraged. Our children are not stupid. They see the light in the midst of the darkness. With childlike clarity and simplicity, they know right from wrong. Perceptively, they know what emotional and spiritual death looks like as opposed to life, and they will opt for life almost every time. However, you face the battle of living with spousal tension 24/7 and in the midst of that tension the challenge of finding the wisdom to live life God’s way in front of your family.
Even if you face such severe difficulties, you can dig out of this black hole over time with God’s help.
Beyond imperfections to purpose
If we find ourselves in one of these black holes, we need to admit that we feel defeated by our imperfections and guilt and ask God to lead us out. We need to remember the apostle Paul’s perspective on our past imperfections: “Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize” (Philippians 3:13-14).
Paul said that he had learned to do two things when the thoughts of his past started to immobilize him: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead. If an ex-murderer of Christians can get past guilt and go on, you can too. In fact, you owe it to your kids to do so, for two reasons: 1) They need a recovering, healthy parent who fully and joyfully shows up for them. 2) They need an example of how to handle life God’s way when they hit the wall of their own failures. God and His love for you prevail over your imperfections.

Taken from Parent Fuel by Barry St. Clair copyright © 2007. Used by permission of Crossway Books, a publishing ministry of Good News Publishers, Wheaton, IL 60187, www.crossway.org.

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Core Groups

Do you know what your spiritual gift is? Do you know how you can use that gift to minister in the church? Every believer is an integral part of the body of Christ. Core Groups meet to help you find out which part of the body you are and how you can put your spiritual gift into practice. Through the encouragement and support of other people in the body of Christ, you will be challenged to minister in an effective way for God. Join a Core Group and see where you can serve God today.

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Help Groups

Are you struggling through life in one particular area? You've tried and tried but you just can't overcome it? All of us have struggles in our lives but there are some struggles that are harder to resolve than others. You are not alone. The people in Help Groups know what you are going through and are here to help. This is not a 12 step addiction recovery program. Rather, it's a group that meets together on a regular basis and uses God's Word to help them get through life's struggles. If you're at your breaking point and need a solid pillar to lean on, this is the place for you.

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Family Groups

Just as fire surges through a dry forest, the power of the Holy Spirit through His Word can surge through you. As you read and grow in God's Word, you will be challenged to live it. Even though your new relationship with Christ is exciting, it's hard to know what the next step is. Many times there are things in God's Word that are hard to understand. Just how can you take the Bible and live your life according to the things that are in it? That is where Family Groups can be a help and encouragement to you. Regular Bible study that is practical and relevant to your life is the main focus of Family Groups. You will learn and be supported in the spiritual things that will help you build a good foundation in your life as part of the family of God.

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Community Groups

Community Groups are a gathering of people who meet on a regular basis to seek out answers to their spiritual questions. Each meeting will be a review of specific questions that each group member shares. There is no pressure to have the "right" or "wrong" answer. It's a discovery process. Personal experience, group discussion, and the Bible are used as the group discovers answers to each spiritual question. Whether you choose to continue in the discovery process with your group or whether you choose to not return, is your choice. By attending a Community Group, it is our hope that you will develop a close bond with people throughout all walks of life and have an open and safe opportunity to have your spiritual questions answered.

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When Two Pray

Every time you and your spouse pray separately for one another, great things happen in your relationship.
by Stormie Omartian

Every time you and your spouse pray separately for one another, great things happen in your relationship. Prayer is truly powerful. But when you pray together, that power increases tremendously, and so do the results. Going to God in prayer as a couple benefits your marriage in several ways:
Prayer Promotes Unity
On the day you and your spouse were married, you became one in the eyes of God. From that moment on, however, there is still a process of becoming one in your everyday lives. The living out of this unity doesn't just happen; it takes time and effort.
The most difficult thing about a marriage is that there are two people in it. If you were just trying to work through things by yourself, you could certainly do a good job of it. But in marriage you have to mesh your dreams, desires, attitudes, assumptions, needs and habits with those of your spouse. The effort to do so can cause strife. When you pray with your spouse, you are drawn into unity with God and, as a result, with one another.
Prayer Promotes Emotional Intimacy
Just as physical intimacy reaffirms your oneness, so does praying together. When you pray as a couple, you are not only communicating with God, but also with each other. You can learn so much about one another by sharing prayer requests and listening to each other pray.
Prayer Invites God Into Your Relationship
For a marriage to last and be happy and fulfilling, three parties need to be involved: the husband, the wife and the Lord.
All marriages have problems because they are made up of two imperfect people. But if you add the presence of a perfect God, then you have unlimited possibilities for drawing closer to what God intended for marriage. Whether that happens is determined by how frequently and how fervently God is invited into your relationship. The more you pray together, the more you will see God do great things.
I know that praying together works because I have seen its power demonstrated in my own marriage. Over the years my husband and I have struggled with many different issues, and at times I have felt that all hope was lost. Yet in those moments of despair, God intervened; He changed our hearts and taught us how to make our marriage whole.
Prayer Changes Relationships
Through the ups and downs of 34 years of marriage, my husband and I have changed a lot for the better. We're not perfect — far from it — but we are living proof that by praying together, your relationship can change. A husband and wife certainly can't change each other, and they can never change as much as they would like. But God can change them both if they invite Him to do so. No matter what struggles a couple have, if they keep praying together, they can see things turn around.
If you or your spouse feels uncomfortable or embarrassed praying out loud in front of the other, don't be discouraged. Many people have felt that way and overcome it. Ask God to help you. Ask Him to teach you and your spouse how to pray together so you can have the marriage He wants you to have.

This article first appeared in the Couples Edition of the February, 2008 issue of Focus on the Family magazine. Copyright © 2008 Stormie Omartian. All rights reserved.

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